Friday, 13 October 2017

Now.








Trying to live in the now and not the past. I have actually never had any problems of this sort up until now, maybe the opposite - always planning for the next thing, projecting myself in the future, waiting for this week to be over and then the next and then the next. Trying not to live like the best, most exciting period of my life is over, trying not to compare the now with the past. Yesterday someone I follow on Instagram did a marathon around the town I lived in in the Netherlands and posted their track and I almost cried. I thought, I know what that street looks like! and that one! I have been there! That's not just a map -a bunch of funny tangled lines- those are actual existing places and I have seen them and lived in them. 

I absolutely know that significant, major things are waiting for me. Maybe even tomorrow, maybe even in an hour. But everything seems kind of dull in comparison to earlier this year. I'm trying my best to enjoying this quiet life of mine, to make a ritual out of every little thing, to make the ordinary extraordinary. It just irks me that I get to spend my days in the capital city of a country and I live the same life I would in a small provincial town. This city is stagnant and so are the people who live in it. A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine invited me to a dinner with a group of international students that she coordinates, and it was wonderful; no dull small chat, no gossiping about other people, only genuine excitement and curiosity and meaningful conversation. It was so refreshing and it made me realize how much I truly needed it. 

I'm trying to counteract the flatness of this place by creating as much as I can. I usually wake up before everyone else in the house, and spend the first hour of my day stitching or crocheting, and I have been absolutely loving it. It's just the best way to start my day, and it puts me in a good mood. Trying to become the person that I want to be little by little, day in day out, trying to let the things that I do define who I am. 

Right now I'm sitting on a coach heading home for un unplanned weekend. I struggled to breathe because of the pollution while I was walking to the station. I can't wait to breathe some fresh countryside air.

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